John Randle, Head of Family Practice
John is a specialist family solicitor with over 40 years’ experience dealing with complex, high value divorce cases.
I recently read the excellent judgment of Mr Justice Cobb in PN v SA (23 May 2025), a case involving a wealthy individual undergoing financial proceedings on divorce.
The central issue? Whether the wife should be held to a settlement agreement (effectively a post-nuptial settlement) she claimed was signed under undue pressure. The court decided that the husband had indeed applied sustained pressure on the wife that was overbearing and unfair.
One of the most important parts of this judgment comes at paragraphs 145 and 146, where Mr Justice Cobb notes:
“The husband specifically and deliberately sought to isolate the wife from her trusted lawyer, and sought to drive a wedge between them for his own advantage. [He] knew or reasonably suspected that [the wife’s lawyer] offered [the wife] not just legal advice but a degree of emotional support too.”
The husband’s intent, the judge continues, was to increase the wife’s vulnerability by attempting to cut off access to her principal source of legal and emotional support.
This struck a familiar chord. Of course, these tactics are not pursued by all husbands, but over the years, I have acted for several wives who have found themselves in similarly vulnerable positions. It usually crops up when representing clients who have, perhaps for the first time in their adult lives, dared to sit opposite the man who used to handle the money and now seeks to dictate the terms of his departure. These husbands often go to great lengths to erode the bedrock of trust between wife and lawyer. These tactics are not particularly imaginative, but they can be highly effective.
Let me outline a few of the most common tactics:
1. The “Generous Offer” Gambit
If the wife has yet to instruct a lawyer, the husband often seizes the moment with a settlement proposal he brands as “more than fair.” He’ll urge her to avoid lawyers altogether. They only complicate things and cost money, he says. Just sign here, darling.
2. The “Greedy Lawyer” Accusation
Once the wife does engage a lawyer, the husband changes his tune. The lawyer is “only after the wife’s money”, or an obstacle to reaching a settlement.
3. The “Let’s Just Talk” Ploy
He proposes a quiet chat with no lawyers involved. Just the two of them, like old times. The aim? To broker a private deal that leaves her adviser in the dark and out of the loop.
4. The “Trust Me” Disclosure Strategy
Summarised by Mr Justice Cobb: “The husband’s intent [is] to increase the wife’s vulnerability at the risk of losing her main source of legal and to some degree emotional support at this crucial time.”
These tricks, taken individually or together, are unsettling, particularly to women who’ve spent decades in “traditional” marriages where the husband earned, controlled and decided, and the wife cared, cooked and trusted.
A common thread in these cases is the suggestion that the wife is somehow being “disloyal” by listening to her lawyer. The emotional toll is heavy. After months of attrition, the wife may begin to doubt her own judgment, question her solicitor’s motives, and feel she has no option but to accept the husband’s terms just to make the battles stop.
The husband cries foul about legal costs, delay, and “unnecessary aggression.” All of this, of course, is designed to drive a wedge between solicitor and client. And sometimes it works.
But here’s the rub: once a financial remedy order is finalised and sealed by the court, it cannot be undone. No matter how lopsided or ill-advised the deal was, it will be repented at leisure.
What should be the approach of the wife with her lawyer to negate these tactics?
For lawyers: vigilance and rapport are your best guides. You must know your client, understand the dynamics at play, and be alert to any signs of external pressure, however subtle.
For clients: honesty and trust are paramount. If your ex is still playing puppet-master, your lawyer needs to know.
A few golden rules:
1. Build a Strong Bond
Client and solicitor must speak freely and frequently. Trust is the glue.
2. Make the Role Clear
The solicitor is there to protect her interests. The husband is looking after his own.
3. Redraw the Lines
Divorce changes the rules. Financial management must now be shared or scrutinised.
4. Monitor Communication
Lawyers should regularly ask about contact from the husband. If he’s sending settlement offers, they should be reviewed for tone, timing, and possible coercion.
5. Discourage Private Meetings
Any “off-the-record” discussions with the husband should be avoided.
6. Formalise Communications
If necessary, write to his legal team insisting that all settlement discussions go through solicitors. No more kitchen table deals.
Above all, don’t be rushed. The urge to “get it over with” is understandable, but dangerous. The law offers a path to fairness, but only if you take it, and not the shortcut the other side is waving like a poisoned apple.
In short: if your ex is trying to oust your lawyer, it’s because he fears your lawyer will secure a better deal for you. Know that your lawyer is your ally.
If you need assistance navigating your way through your divorce, we are here to help. Please reach out to arrange a free initial consultation with our specialist family team.